AN AMERICAN TRADITION--THE MASTERS(BATORS)

Description: Tiger tees off at 1:42 this afternoon. We go behind the scenes to the practice, indoor putting facility at the country club. And what do we see, a Tiger-esque trollop adjusting her stance and practicing her stroke---by herself. She is having difficulty with pace and break. Ah--haaaa--she is a married golfing student, in need of private tuteleage. And there he is, the scumbag, philandering dirtball, arriving on cue to assist her with her line. Behold the lovely, peeping, pov view up under her skirtie-shorts, open enough to see the fanny crack and perhaps some colored panties too. As with most female, porn star golfers, her hands must be brought in closer to her body, so the hands become one. Bending the knees and jutting her bottom into his groin---stance---we are ready to stroke another putt. And will ya lookie there--right into the hole she goes, so to speak. Will need that stroke to save par. Excited as she is, her toolbag of a husband is out and about. So, let's jump on the club pro. First, more practice. She has to squat more and widen her stance, so we can peer and peek up there and see those tight panties. After a quick SportsCenter break to see what the girls are doing on the Asian Tour, its back to our "Hole In One" girls, about to Tee off just for you. These girls comprise "Amen Corner," and each of them have "Rae's Creek" gushing all through them. From left to right on your scorecard---White Dogwood, Golden Bell and Azalea. It will be hard to tell them apart once the holes start getting worn from all the rounds of play, but do the best you can. He tees off at 10:35 a.m. We start off with three free drops. Closest to the hole has honors. Azalea, the blonde, seems to have a bit more pucker in her hole so that will affect the break of the ball coming out of the chute. Time to tee off on each other with some juts, struts, spanks and teasing as they get ready for the heavy artillery. In daisy-chain style, they soften up each other's putting surfaces, watering the greens around the cup, and massaging the terrain for the approach shots. Conditions appear ideal, as they spend considerable time around the rims and in the hole. The traps are treacherous and the cup must be stretched properly for the ball to roll into easily. Top-Flite goes in, pops back out and right into her mouth, very tidy, halves the hole. Apparently, this is closest to the mouth and they have more than one chance. First one in, second one lips out. The transfer from mouth to hand to hole must be precise. Any fumbling or droppage of the ball results in a one stroke penalty. The tongue action must also be over the top of the ball, insuring smooth bumps and runs on the green. Perfect birdie, tongue to mouth. Flew the next over the green and into Rae's Creek, that will make for a double and makes them one over for the tournament. Check it out again on AnalVision. Follow that up with an Eagle, perfect ass to mouth, then mouth to ass, well done. One under for the day and only one off the lead. Another flawless transfer, another birdie and now two under par. This next one's a tester---downhill lie but a straight uphill putt. Hello....hello....out comes the utility club. For those that brought the utility club, hybrid or 57 degree wedge, you'll need it as Amen Corner is just around the corner. Notice how the girls use this iron as a plunger, truncheon, roto-rooter, et all, they have to widen that hole and bore it to PGA specs. After all, some long ones will be rolling down those chutes soon. Took a long time studying this putt. Notice, its from a tiered green, and there's a severe drop before it reaches the hole. She had to two putt just to shag par, then couldn't take it in her mouth flying out of the cup. It hit her chin, rolled down off that vicious green and right into Rae's Creek. The lead has vanished. Two stroke penalty and she's down to one under par. Let's widen that cup some more. This putt is a bit longer and breaks right to left. Firmly struck, dead center of the hole, and its conceded by the official. Back to two under. A perfect retrieval and transfer is ruined by another missed pootz (missing the hole from the mouth)-- past the hole, down the green and into Rae's Creek again. Now, its one over par. But look at how much fun they are having. They play for fun, not the money. However, they do realize that any more bogies will cost them the green jacket. The plunger club is now used on the mouth and hole. Have to be in good position for Sunday when Tiger shows up. The wheels have come off the wagon. A missed putt, two shot penalty for touching the ball before its marked, two more missed putts and its five over. Finally, the putt out. The girls don't care now, they want to use some other balls, not approved by the association. A tennis ball size object is now used, then some kind of flashing fishing lure is used to play. Hootie Johnson is not a happy camper right now. Feels more like Hootie BlowFish. All links etiquette has been abandoned. This trio now plays in their own world---The Rectal Invitational. They're all puckered and ready for the final round and look who shows up to rescue victory from the sphincter of defeat...........here's Tiger. He has to make up eight strokes on this day. The mistresses have put him in a huge hole, so to speak. In fact, several huge holes. Gaping holes. He has no margin for error and the ass to mouth transfers, on this day, better be flawless. In he strolls, big bag in hand. The set of Ping irons and the Big Bertha set of Titanium woods. And, of course, the big stick. Amen Corner awaits, three in a row, cheek to cheek. He sucks on some practice balls, the girls lube them up and he positions himself for the first of three face smothers, while they tune up his band. From the first tee, there is no cautionary play. This is going to be ram and slam and putt the slut. He better string all birds and get an eagle or two along the way or he won't wear the Green Condom. Like a well-oiled machine, he has brought his A game. Standing proud off the first tee, he has the girls spitting, gagging, gag reflexing, choking and deep throating. Done with speed and precision. The girls are aggressive, not playing nice. Not asking to suck, but saying "gimme that fucking thing., my fucking turn." This keeps his momentum at an optimum pitch. There has been so much spittle during this tourament, its surprising there hasn't been a stoppage of play, to dry out the greens. Perfect form. Look how they bend his shaft in order to navigate those dangerous doglegs. He is playing that hook to erection. The girls do not give him time for a fade, draw or bump and run. Its full force slam, one hole to the next, all orifices are in play. Playing caddy is over, its time to play those tough holes called Amen Corner. One titanic blast after another, club into bag, next one out, next hole in, next hole out. He's within two of even par, only four off the lead as we turn for home. Ass to mouth, mouth to ass, hither and yon, too and fro, no rest, no delays---its grip it and rip it. Now, the last hurdle--those three flowers, butts right in a row, ripe for the pluckin' and ripe for the fuckin'. He gets that Eagle on 16, pars 17 and needs that climax on 18 to force an 18 hole playoff tomorrow. All the way, all the way down, girls sucking it right to the root, right down to the nuts and the fucking is blurring. He has to squirt all of them at once in order to tie it up.............and viola, the spunk spews forth, not in loads but very accurate. We'll be playing 18 holes Monday. WELL, HE DIDN'T WIN.......HE DIDN'T LOSE, SORT OF. OUT OF NOWHERE, ELAN SHOWED UP. BRANDISHING A TITANIUM 5 WOOD, SHE CHASED HIM RIGHT OFF THE COURSE, THROUGH THE TENT, (WHERE YOU MUST SIGN YOUR SCORE CARD, HE DID NOT), OUT INTO THE PARKING LOT AND PROCEEDED TO BEAT ANOTHER DRUM BEAT ALL OVER HIS NOW DEFUNC